Complicity in the Pleasantville Chainsaw Massacre

By Michael Gold

I saw somebody commit murder. And I paid to make it happen.

I killed a giant tree. It was at least 75 feet tall, a Norway maple. Its trunk was so thick you couldn’t stretch your arms completely around it. Even LeBron James might not be able to do it.

The tree’s branches reached ever upward to absorb sunlight. Its leaves flickered in the wind.

Squirrels and chipmunks scrambled and scratched up the trunk into the tree’s upper reaches, often jumping from limb to limb, the branches quivering as they walked on them. If I Iooked almost straight up, I could see the squirrels’ tails twitching and curling as they tight-roped their way across the thinnest twigs. Birds sat on the branches and scanned the area for food.

It took two days to kill the tree. The teeth of the chainsaws bit into the tree bark, the light-colored sapwood, then the darker, brown heartwood.

As the chain saws conducted their murderous work, the sound flooded the neighborhood. I felt very bad about disturbing our neighbors.

Even worse, the chainsaws used gasoline! That sends more carbon dioxide into our air, which is something we really don’t need. The guilt keeps building. (If only we could send all our carbon to Mars.)

Humankind’s technological genius has its limits. It takes a lot of time to cut down a 75-foot monster plant. The last of the trunk proved to be especially stubborn. It took three men from the tree cutting company to move it off the base and onto the ground.

The smaller branches and limbs were placed in a wood chipper. Large pieces of the trunk too big for the chipper were put into the flat bed of the tree-cutting company’s truck.

The dead bark was covered in saw dust and moss that had grown on the tree.

The squirrels and chipmunks have lost a haven. In my most ridiculous imaginings, I conjured up scenarios where they assemble in a long line in the front yard and throw acorns at me whenever I walk outside.

As for the humans, we’ve lost the shade over our front yard, which cooled us and our house.

A mature tree absorbs 48 pounds of carbon dioxide a year, according to the Arbor Day Foundation, and makes air for us to breathe. That’s gone.

The Norway maple is considered an invasive species, but that does not make me feel less guilty. They “produce large numbers of seeds that are wind dispersed and invade forests and forest edges,” states the University of Connecticut Invasive Plant Working Group website.

“The dense canopy formed by Norway maple inhibits the regeneration of sugar maple and other tree seedlings, reducing forest density,” the UConn site explains.

The reason we had the tree cut was simple. If a storm with strong winds hit, a large, heavy branch might strike my daughter’s room. Over the summer, as our home was being renovated, a branch from the tree, which sits in our neighbor’s yard by our fence, fell and almost hit one of the men working on its construction.

In August, during the tropical storm, a tree from a Norway maple on the other side of our house dropped into our front yard, destroyed the grass we had just planted and slightly damaged pieces of our front porch.

So, to me, the choice was regrettable, but clear. People need to be safe. Homes too.

I was briefly comforted by the fact that the wood from the tree will be turned into mulch for growing plants, but that still wasn’t good enough.

After the killing was done, I made a donation to the nonprofit American Forests to plant trees. Just $1 plants a tree, either in a wild forest or threatened landscape. The organization hopes to plant three million trees this year.

Also, Pleasantville offers a tree planting program to residents. If you own property on a village street, you can plant a tree in your front yard and split the cost with the village. The municipality will plant the tree, and it becomes the property of the owner. You can choose the type of tree from a list, from a northern red oak to an American dogwood. I intend to take advantage of this program and contact the village in March to plant a new tree in our yard.

I have also discovered that I can turn myself into a tree. There are a few companies out there that will take your ashes when you pass away and put them in soil to grow a tree, which your family can plant close by where they live.

On second thought, I think I’ll stick with planting trees.

Pleasantville resident Michael Gold has published articles in The New York Daily News, The Albany Times-Union and other publications.