12-Step Divorce Recovery Group is Like Family for its Members

By Molly Stazzone

Divorce is one of life’s painful transitions.

Micki McWade knows firsthand what that statement means. Twenty years ago this month, McWade, a psychotherapist, divorce coach and author, founded The Twelve Step Separation/Divorce Recovery Group in Westchester after going through the breakup of her own marriage.

She modeled the program after the 12 steps offered at Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon.

Earlier this month, the Divorce Support Group celebrated the milestone anniversary at the Church in the Highlands Parish Hall in White Plains, where it meets weekly.

McWade, who has a Mount Kisco office for her private practice, said current and former group members who attended the reunion dinner mentioned that “it felt like I was coming home for the holidays…as if this group was a family.”

Divorce may be a painful transition, but with support from “family” over time it becomes easier, she said.

“The support group is designed to have members encourage growth within a member and within the group, to have awareness with oneself, and for each member to have self-examination,” said McWade, originally a graphic designer before returning to school to earn a degree in social work.

Every Monday between 7:30 and 9 p.m., about 25 to 35 men and women gather at the church. McWade said members look forward to the meetings in order to gain inspiration to move on and to share their experiences, feelings and emotions with others who understand exactly what they’re going through. Over time, many of the group’s members have forged strong friendships.

They are offered a path to recovery by learning about and practicing the program’s 12 steps.

McWade outlines those steps in her book, “Getting Up, Getting Over, Getting On: A Twelve Step Guide to Divorce Recovery.” Members often refer to it for advice and guidance. The book is now in its third publishing and is available on Amazon.com and at Barnes & Noble.

Volunteer leaders Andrea and Bette, who asked that their last names not be used in this article, help decide each meeting’s discussion topic, introduce group members and review the 12 steps.

Andrea has been with the group for a little over a year, while Bette has been an active member since 1998. Both women endured divorce, but received plenty of support from family and friends to get them through the most difficult stretches.

“After 20 years of experiencing and being together in the same situation, I know and help people (get) through with their divorce because I got through it,” Bette said

Similar to other 12-step programs, those in the group each have an opportunity to talk. There is no conversing or advice given while a member speaks. During breaks, members can exchange thoughts, email addresses and phone numbers.

McWade said members find the group through friends and word of mouth, while others have learned of it through www.meetup.com.

“This is a place of belonging,” Andrea said. “A friend told me about the support group. I opened up when other people spoke about their divorce.”

To learn more about The Twelve Step Separation/Divorce Recovery Group, visit www.mickimcwade.com.