How Moms Can Manage Work-From-Home Guilt
I am a “work-from-home” mom with two little boys, 3 and 2 years old. I realize I am very lucky to be able to stay home with my kids and run my business, but I can’t help but sometimes feel guilty. It is hard at times, I can be on the phone with a client, or working on my laptop and the boys want my attention. As much as I want to give them my undivided attention it is hard because business is business. Your advice to help melt away the guilt? – Jamie Imperati
Though I agree that you are lucky to have the option of working from home, you have the unique challenge of actively balancing the sometimes competing demands of motherhood and career throughout the day. If you were a “work from the office” mom you wouldn’t constantly be confronted with the energetic and expectant faces of two young boys who want nothing more than to play with their mom. To complicate matters, I would imagine that the feelings of guilt can go both ways. When you are playing with your boys you might feel guilty about neglecting some aspects of your career, and when doing work you might feel like you are being unfair to your children.
A working mom like you is already a master of planning and organization. But as you know, both work and kids are unpredictable at times. In many ways the challenge is to manage energy, not time. Are there particular times of the day that you have noticed your boys require more of your own energy and focus? Are there more mellow times in the day?
Particularly on work days, it might be helpful to think about time with your children in terms of quality and not quantity. Perhaps you can share meals with them and, if they are interested, have them participate in a small way to the preparation process. Maybe now that the weather has improved, there are outdoor activities your boys enjoy that can burn some of that toddler energy, making the day more manageable. In addition, you might consider hiring a “mother’s helper,” a teenager or college student who can help out for a few hours a day on some days to take a little pressure off yourself. If you find someone you trust, the arrangement could provide a great opportunity for you to refresh or get work done while your children enjoy the company of another responsible playmate.
When you feel guilty, try to ask yourself what you would tell a friend who is struggling with the work and home balancing act. Would you judge her in the harsh way you sometimes judge yourself? Would you tell her that it is useful or productive to focus on guilty thoughts for more than a few moments? Consider treating yourself with the same respect as you would a friend.
I also recommend that you keep in mind all the positive things you are teaching your boys as they grow into school-aged children, adolescents, teens and ultimately adults. Although it might not always feel this way in the moment, you are teaching them long-term coping strategies and about the importance of both work and play. They will observe you and your work ethic and will be more likely to model your positive attributes and behaviors. In addition, siblings learn a lot from playing with each other while you are supervising without fully participating. At the end of the day, try not to judge yourself by adding up times you wish you had done “better.” Try to recognize all the ways you contribute to your children’s healthy development.
Jaime Black works in a private practice in NYC doing psychotherapy and career counseling. She lives in Hartsdale. Want to Ask Jaime a question? E-mail her at JaimeBlackPsyD@gmail.com
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